Tropic Thunder

Ugh, March is such a tease. In like a lion, out like a lamb my ass. This pussy is roarin' and it's only a week till April. Of course there was that one, glorious day -- near 70 and sunny. Since then its been cold and windy and rainy and schmeh. After all the hibernation of winter my biological clock wants to hop, skip and jump around. The depressing weather, however, is putting my energy at an all time low. So how do you brighten up a gloomy day?  Fake a tropical fiesta in your mouth. 

So the fiesta started out pretty tame. And to be honest, I like it's original version best. Avocado, mango, cilantro, black beans, lime juice, and honey. So tropically good. I made a huge bowl of this, and didn't even bother with chips. I loved the buttery, smooth textures all around. The lime juice and mango were so bright and chipper, and the nutty avocado and mellow beans felt like they melted with every bite. 

As for the cilantro, in my opinion it was just necessary. There is something about Avocado and cilantro -- they're like peas and carrots, Forrest Gump and Jenny -- they belong together. Lime juice is like Bubba, equally necessary but in a different way. Lime juice stops the avocado from browning. 

I first prepped the cilantro dressing. Giving the herb a fine chop, stir together with olive oil, honey, salt, pepper, lime juice and zest. The honey gives the dressing amazing texture and smooths out the sharp cilantro-lime tang. 

Cube the avocado, squeeze lime juice all over and give it a delicate toss. You'll wanna stir everything fairly delicately because of the avocado. See, I wanted to keep it chunky so you actually got to enjoy big pieces the unique green fruit. Besides, this ain't guacamole buddy. Cube the Mango just the same. If you've never cut up a mango before, it can be a little frustrating -- blame the enormo seed. 

Hold the mango upright and narrow and cut the narrow sides off. I know, I know, you want to cut the fat sides off. Well you can't, so settle down. The annoyingly oblong seed in this incredibly delicious fruit gives it shape. Unlike the friendly avocado the mango pit does not easily separate from its flesh, so you have to cut around it. When you cut the narrow sides you can usually hear the knife rustle against the seed. Those narrow sides are the most beneficial. Slice horizontally and vertically then invert the skin (as pictured above) and run your knife along the skin making for lovely little mango squares. Slice along the the remaining two sides of the fruit and get as much mango flesh as you can. Then gnaw on the seed and smile.

Rinse off the black beans and add to the salad. Finally, stir in cilantro dressing. Again, this salad was fabulous. After eating a lot of it, I wanted see if other ingredients would be welcomed. I added strawberries, blueberries and basil. The berries added pops of brights fruity flavors and seedy textures while the basil gave its an aromatic freshness. Each bite was different with the added ingredients, making for an uplifting snack that made me hate March a little less.

dressing:

4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 tablespoons cilantro

2 tablespoons honey

2 tablespoons lime juice

lime zest

salt

pepper

(1 tablespoon basil)

salad:

2 avocados

2 mangos

15 oz can black beans

1 tablespoon lime juice

(3-5 strawberries)

(1/2 cup blueberries)

Louise

My first chicken. She was a wee three-pounder, named Louise.

Louise is a jewish chicken. I was honored to Bat Mitzvah her with a kosher bath. Give your chicken a good rinse, inside and out. Put her in a bowl of water for half hour, then lay her on a isolated surface and douse with salt. Let her sit, salted, for another half hour. Rinse well and pat dry.

Wash your hands often throughout this process, so not to get chicken germs all over the kitchen.

You may not want to go through these steps. Fine, whatever. Don't cry about it, though, when your unfortunate chicken doesn't turn out marvelous. I watched my mama do this to thousands of chickens growing up, and I trust her when it comes to chicken. The woman knows her chicken. Besides, I have nothing against getting rid of poultry bacteria. If you're into that kind of thing, to each his own. I'm glad Louise was so fresh and so clean, though.

Salt and pepper her insides. Then shove 2 sprigs of rosemary up her bottom, along with lemon and orange wedges. It was a blast flapping Louise's wings around and making her dance but those extremities roast a lot better when tied together. The wings and thighs will dry if they're stretched out like a floppy dog sleeping on his back, so tie them up close to the body.

Remember, I told you to pat her dry. Rub a chimichurri all over her. This sauce has an awesome name and accessible ingredients. Extra virgin olive oil, parsley, rosemary, garlic, lemon and orange zest, fresh squeezed juice of lemon and orange, salt, pepper, and paprika.

You don't want your chicken to touch a lot of surface. Why are rotisserie chickens so fantastic? Because every inch of skin is getting hot waves of heat. Louise started out on her belly. Twenty minutes in, she flopped over on her back. I used a roasting rack over a casserole dish full of potatoes and onions (with olive oil, salt, pepper, and rosemary). Louise's juices dripped down on the spuds. She was basted and her own sweat and given a squeeze of a lemon and orange 3 or 4 times. A chick becomes a lady at 425 for around 15 minutes per pound. Let Miss Louise sit covered in tin foil for a few minutes before you then turn her into a carcass.

Louise was juicy. Her flesh was bright from lemons, sweet with orange, savory of rosemary, and so incredibly juicy.

stuffing:

half orange, wedged

half lemon, wedged

2 sprigs rosmary

chimichurri:

extra virgin olive oil, 1/4 cup

rosemary, 1 tablespoon finely chopped

parsley, 4 tablespoons finely chopped

salt, 1 teaspoon salt

pepper, 1/2 teaspoon pepper
paprika, 1/2 teaspoon

garlic, 1 tablespoon chopped

orange juice and zest, 1/2 orange

lemon juice and zest, 1/2 lemon 

The fookie

Sometimes you want a cookie but don't have any. It's an unfortunate dilemma millions of cookie monsters face every day. Don't fret, stress, or cry, though. When desperate for a cookie but aren't up to baking an entire batch or leaving the comfort of your home, just make a pho-cookie. A fookie.

Buttered toast with cinnamon and sugar. Its like eating a Snickerdoodle. This is one of those treats I grew up eating but forgot existed. It takes 5 minutes to prepare and the ingredients are always in any kitchen.

There's no shame in eating this for breakfast...lunch, dinner, snack, or just because you want to.

Holy Macaroni and Cheese

I needed to be comforted, so I gave my old friend macaroni and cheese a ring. This here is a serious triple threat of yummy. A lovely little restaurant offers these toppings as add ons to their mac and cheese and I aways get it with all three. With a mixture of rain and snow falling from grey skies outside, I was forced to make it myself.

I like roasting my veggies. I think the texture is far superior than boiling and blanching. Put some broccoli tossed in olive oil and salt in a pan with a few strips of bacon. In a pre-heated oven of 425, this should take about 15-20 minutes. If you want the bacon crispy, remove broccoli and cook bacon another 5 or so minutes. Chop into smaller pieces and set aside. While you're chopping, do the same with a few sun-dried tomatoes. You'll wanna get this prep out of the way before you dive into the sauce. 

It all starts with a roux. A roux is basically fat and flour. It's a traditional thickening agent used in many sauces. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter and, stirring fairly constantly, add a teaspoon of flour. Then pour in a quarter cup of milk and stir. Let it come to a simmer and good golly watch that roux thicken. Stir, stir, stir. Season with salt and pepper. Add cheese. I used half a cup of cheddar and just a nibble gorgonzola. The first time I tried mac and cheese I definitely over-gorgonzola-ed the crap out of it. Unless you l-o-v-e blue cheese, watch out. So, yea, gorgonzola. Just a nibble. Stir some more. 

Try to time your pasta cooking and cheese sauce concocting the same. I used conchiglie, aka, shells. This pasta is primo for creamy sauces. It will catch all the cheesy goodness inside the shell and outside on the ridges. When the pasta is al dente, add to your cheese sauce and mix in the awesome additions.

This comfort food is so fantastic, especially when its crappy outside. The cheese sauce is just cheesy. Next time I want to try adding some swiss. I've been told a jack is also a welcomed addition. The sun-dried tomatoes add a bright tang, the broccoli brings incredible texture, and the bacon...well, bacon is always a fatty, salty, welcomed guest in my book.

Slammin' Salmon

Salmon is my favorite fish. While all fish are delicate and lovely, there is something special about salmon. Whether it's raw, smoked, fried or broiled, its almost hard to make this aquatic creature unappetizing. This may be why salmon is the go-to seafood for all the seafood haters out there. Whatever your fish fancy, you'll like this.  

The ingredients are few and inexpensive. You'll want to start by sautéing a yellow onion. Put a tablespoon of butter and a swirl of olive oil in a frying pan on medium heat. Stirring often, cook onions until they start to opaque. Add a sprinkle of sugar and a touch of paprika. Throw in a bell pepper and soften those bad boys up as well. 

      

Any oven friendly baking sheet or gratin will do. I wrapped my baking dish in tin foil for easy clean up. Plop in your lovely filets and season with salt and pepper. Squirt a friendly helping of honey all over the salmon, about 3 tablespoons for an 8oz filet. Cover the fish in the sauteed onions and peppers and put in a 350 oven for 20-25 minutes. Now thats not all folks. When the fish is about done I like to turn on the broiler and stick it right underneath the flames for another minute or two so the honey and veggies get a nice crispy brown crunch. 

Serve a top a bed of fluffy rice pilaf and crown with fresh chives. The finished product warms the soul with a balance of sweet and savory. It also leaves you with the perfect fullness. Everything on this plate is incredibly healthy (have you heard about omega-3's? They're the ones who got the chilean miners out safely and are currently working on the mess in Egypt). When you gladly devour every last drop of this here slammin salmon, you will experience a happy guilt-free euphoria that is rare when acting as a glutton.

Goat Cheese and Basil on a Tater

"I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?"

The late, great Mitch Hedberg always had some epic advice to live by. Baked potatoes sure do take forever to cook but by golly they're worth it, especially with some super awesome jazzed up sour cream on top. 

For the tater, stick it in a conventional oven for a long time. More specifically, an oven preheated to 350 for about an hour. You'll know it's done if a knife pierces to the middle with ease. That is it. 

Jazzing up your tater topping is a cinch. Use equal parts sour cream, greek yogurt, and goat cheese. Stir together and mix in as much chopped up basil as your little heart desires, a pinch of salt and a few cranks of pepper. Make sure you let your goat cheese get to room temperature so it blends well with the rest of the ingredients. 

I know that chives are the go-to for a baked potato but I wanted to stay away from anything oniony. Basil, on the other hand, is a far more refreshing herb that really meshed well with the sour cream concoction. The addition of a tart yogurt with a mild goat cheese added layers of flavor to the standard and traditional sour cream dollop that will surly lead to three or four more dollops. It turned out to be quite the no-fuss starchy treat Mitch Hedberg would have enjoyed thoroughly. 

The Hardy Mr. Oatmeal

If oatmeal were a cartoon, it would be a super hero. Oatmeal is tough. Oatmeal has got your back. Oatmeal is power. The Hardy Mr. Oatmeal is here to save the day.

There's a million ways to enjoy a bowl of oats. You can use fresh fruit, brown sugar, honey, cream, crème, jelly or jam. I went the old-fashioned route this morning. Put a cup of oats, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and the tiniest pinch of salt in a little saucer. Add a cup and a half of boiling water and stir. Chop a hand full of nuts and yellow raisins, slice up a bit of banana, and top it off with maple syrup. These toppings had a nice balance of rustic and crunchy with smooth and buttery textures.

One of my favorite things about oatmeal is its purity. While Cheerios lowers cholesterol too, look at the back of the box. The second most prominent ingredient is sugar and they have to add preservatives. Look at the Nutrition Facts on an oatmeal cylinder and all you'll find is "100% ROLLED OATS." Because of its absorptive qualities oatmeal will keep you full right until lunchtime, unlike Cheerios. It's also ridiculously easy to make a thousand different ways, whereas milk an cereal gets kinda old. Besides, nothing beats a hot breakfast when there's a snowpocalypse outside.

Now I have no beef with Cheerios, cause that'd be an odd combination (hahaa). Cheerios truly are a delicious cereal option, honey-nut especially. I've never saved the world, though, after a bowl of cereal. Only moments after my bowl of old-fashined oatmeal I rescued two kitties out of a tree, helped an old lady cross the street, and solved world hunger. Don't thank me, thank The Hardy Mr. Oatmeal.